A

‘Real’

Men’s

Ministry

So, is this about being a “real” man, or about having a “real” ministry?

YES!

Let me start by saying this. I have no idea who (if anybody) will eventually read this. I am writing this as part of a plan to submit to my Pastor in an effort to organize a men’s ministry at my church. But it’s more than that. It’s my personal testimony. If this has come into your hands, I offer it to you as my testimony and a word of encouragement. Consider the circumstances of how this article came into your possession and why you are reading it. Feel free to share this with anyone you want. Use it in any way that the Lord leads. I only ask that it remain anonymous. Not because I am embarrassed or ashamed. Not because I am unwilling to be accountable for what I’m writing. Who I am is unimportant. I want to insulate myself from any praise that belongs to the Lord. While this is my personal testimony, it’s really about that part of every man’s heart that is empty and cries out to be filled. My prayer is that the Lord will be able to use this article to speak to your heart.

I have been “involved” in men’s ministry for over 30 years both as a participant and occasionally as a guest speaker. While I cannot condemn Brotherhood Organizations or other men’s groups as wrong, I am burdened that there must be something more to this idea of a “men’s ministry”. Every time I have ventured into the mission field, I always find a cohesive group of men, usually about 6-12 in number and usually from a smaller church. It is no coincidence that these men participate in missions as a group. In devotional time with these groups, I developed a longing for the fraternity that these men have with each other – and with God. In considering what constitutes a “men’s group” I considered many possibilities. I ruled out the idea that these men all worked together professionally. I concluded that there must be significant pastoral support from their home church. This turned out to be true, but the cause and effect were reversed. The men’s groups had flourished under the reign of many pastors over a period of time. It turns out that the pastoral support was because of the vitality of the men’s group, not the other way around. Upon returning home, I was excited about the possibility of my own church having a meaningful men’s ministry. Inspired, I would return home and deliver stunning presentations of the great purpose of the mission project, the sacrifice, dedication, skill, and hard work of those that participated. I was a champion for the cause. Digital photos, projectors, Power Point presentations, web sites, passionate speeches, searing testimony were all part of my arsenal for Christ.

But nothing ever happened.

My frustration reached the flash point. How could a group of otherwise good Christian men be so sissy as to not follow my call to mission involvement? How could a pastor just stand by, pat me on the head, and say “good boy”? Years went by. I repeatedly went alone on mission trips (actually I tagged along with other “real” men’s groups). Each trip increased my intolerance. Each year, my hopes would be raised only to be dashed upon my return. During these trips, I would interview the participants as well as their leaders. I would listen long enough for them to pause for a breath. Then I would unleash Hell, battering them with my story of men who did not hear Gods call.

I never really listened.

Now I had a new mission. I was going to create a “real” men’s ministry – against all odds. I would visualize myself as leading a group of men into the mission field. I would envision the great work that was to be done. I would imagine the lives that would be changed under my leadership. I would daydream about participants offering their testimony upon their return – and crediting me with their spiritual growth. I spoke constantly of opportunities to serve. I knew that nobody would be interested. I just wanted them to say NO. I wanted them to vomit a stream of excuses. I wanted them to admit (or should I say “submit”) to me that they did not have what it takes. The more people I could find who would not “step up”, the more righteous I felt. To validate that I had what it takes, I began to make contacts in high places within the regional Association, the State Convention, as well as the International Mission Board. More influence, more mission trips, more disaster relief, more ministry, more personal and financial involvement. I worked hard building my Christian resume. Actually the resume wasn’t so much counterfeit, I was. It was all about me and my secret intent of being worshipped.

I had been fooling myself all along. I really wanted to increase the gap between myself and those “other” (lousy) men. It made me feel better. It eased the pain.

Not to say that I did not feel a call to serve God. I just felt it for the wrong reasons. I lacked humility. One Sunday in January 2002, I was on my way to speak to another “breakfast club” parading itself as a Brotherhood Organization. I was listening to a tape of a young man named Gerrick. He was guest speaker at my former church – you know, the one with all the “sorry” men. Many years ago Gerrick was in my RA group. During that time, I had taken Gerrick on a mission trip to Barbados. I listened intently at first as he reeled off the credits to those that had been a positive influence in his Christian walk. I did not hear my name. I rewound the tape. Not only did he not mention my name, he failed to even mention the experience I had given him! Maybe he forgot, or time constraints forced him leave it out - or so I thought. But God had a purpose in me listening to that tape, not my purpose - His. I began to realize that this young man, 15 years my junior, had spiritually lapped me. I felt like I had lost my lead in the race I was running. How could this kid that I had “led” now be ahead of me? I began to be ashamed. I literally had to pull off the road as the Lord began to convict me. I began to see the reason for my failure.

I had left God out.

I have no idea what I said as I spoke that Sunday. No doubt it was the worst presentation of my life. On the way back, I listened to that tape - repeatedly. It was as though the entire sermon was directed toward me. No, I never heard my name in the message, but I certainly heard God calling my name. I rededicated my life to the Lord that day and asked Him to forgive me. I asked Him to reveal to me how to become a better Christian in His eyes – not the eyes of men.

Now the Lord is in the plan.

The next day, I stopped by the prayer garden at my church on the way to work (this is now my habit). It was raining. As I stood there in the rain, I began to weep uncontrollably. I called out to the Lord, asking him why I was weeping (real men don’t cry, right?). He did not give me an answer right away. It was as if He was saying “I’ll whisper the answer, you’ll have to come closer”. I prayed for the Lord to give me a hunger to be close to Him. I went and bought a Bible that would fit into the bag I carry. I also bought a Christian T-Shirt. I had never done anything like this before. Of course I had Bibles. I even read the Scriptures in order to prepare myself for the important duty of being a substitute Sunday School teacher. I had T-shirts that identified me as an important part of the Florida Baptist Convention Disaster Relief team. I began to read the Bible and pray - daily. I began to seek and experience God in my heart. I could now hear the whisper.

Let me take a moment to offer a confession. I had imagined being publicly singled out and recognized for my efforts and achievements for the cause of Christ. Maybe if my lust for glory would have been satisfied, things would be different now. Not better, just different. Since my rededication to the Lord, I have abandoned this selfish desire. In the 2 months that followed, I was publicly singled out 3 times and applauded, literally applauded, by thousands (not merely hundreds as I had dreamed of earlier). Christ was the one being glorified, but I must admit it felt good. I am grateful that the Lord prepared my heart before giving me that blessing.

Things are different now. No, I am different now. I have started over. I have begun a new mission with God – not just for God. I am proceeding with prayer and the assurance of the Lords blessing. I expect success because I am no longer just working for God, He is working through me. God does not fail. I have never felt so powerful in my life. Sure there will be setbacks. I’m sure that Satan will be working overtime to harass anything done in Gods purpose. Building a real mens ministry means working with people, with all our imperfections.

Have you ever prayed, “Lord, give me an opportunity”? I used to. Now I pray, “Lord, open my eyes to the opportunities that you have provided”. Opportunities are everywhere. We just fail to see them.

Most men’s ministries struggle. Does this look familiar?

• Election of Officers
• Monthly Breakfast Meetings at Church
• Guest Speakers
• Clean up Projects at Church

I ask you. Is this a “real” ministry? Is this what “real” men do? Does this look like the inspired work of God Almighty?

Speaking of electing officers, I remember one year we were electing officers. There was a fellow in our church who was retarded, I’ll call him Alex. I nominated Alex for the office of Brotherhood President. Alex was not at the meeting and it is customary to elect officers who are absent the day of the election, right? Things got serious. I was rebuked. It got deathly quiet as all eyes were upon me. I explained that I was not trying to make fun of, or embarrass, Alex. Then my question went something like this. “Just what are the qualifications for President of a do-nothing outfit?” I am no longer at that church. Maybe I was wrong for lashing out like that. Maybe my tactics were wrong. Maybe I should have nominated a dead person, or a female. But my heart was right and I had to make the point. I had to get it out. I wanted the Brotherhood to actually DO something.

Do what? What do “real” men do? How can doing it be a “real” ministry?

I believe with all my heart and after much prayer and research that if we can answer and respond to these questions, the Lord will use us to send Satan running back to Hell with his tail tucked.

Let’s be candid. What do men really like?

• Men like gadgets and toys
• Men like loud things
• Men like fast things
• Men like sex
• Men like to be the hero
• Men like violence
• Men like to be admired, even beyond their death
• Men like to play, compete, and win – to “kick butt”
• Men like wide open spaces (The Great Outdoors)
• Men like to sweat and physically exert themselves
• Men like fraternity
• Men like to show off

I’ve prayed, searched the scriptures, and searched my heart. I believe that there is nothing good or evil about these baser instincts. They simply are a built-in part of us men. I don’t believe that Satan put them there. I don’t think that we learned them. I think they are a God given part of us. I believe that organized religion has tried to deny, repress, and ignore them to the point that the powers of evil have been given a monopoly to use them for ungodly purposes. I’m not advocating that Christian men should be unrestrained savages. Of course there are boundaries we must stay within. There is plenty of scripture to support that.

Now, let’s examine the church strategy to meet these needs.

You get the point.

Don’t ask me why. Maybe that was the whole inspiration behind the Brotherhood Organization idea. Maybe someone noticed that there was a gap and something needed to be done. If only we could get men to come to the Fellowship Hall and have breakfast, somehow Christianity would “rub off” on them. Just like if you sit in the garage long enough, you’ll become a Chevrolet. In my 30 plus years of being in and around these groups, I can say without hesitation that most “men’s ministry” groups do precious little, if anything, to meet the needs of men or save lost souls. I sincerely wish I could give the whole thing a better grade. There have been many good speakers, lots of good food, plenty of good fellowship. Remember, I am not saying that these organizations are bad. There is nothing wrong with good Christian fellowship and doing some grounds keeping at the church. But is it any wonder that these groups struggle? I’m not writing this to tear down or ridicule the hard work of those that preceded me. However, I honestly fear being called into account by the Lord for the time, money, and effort I’ve spent in “men’s ministry”.

And I have a burden to do something about it.

In fact, let me summarize the problem from the point of view of the world. They believe that we (Christians) are a bunch of old farts, and that we don’t know how to have fun. They believe that we (the church folks) want to take away all their fun. The church has done much to cause this unfortunate perception. Here’s the message that they (the unsaved) hear from the church. Unfortunately, they’re all too right much of the time.

• Don’t drink
• Don’t smoke
• Don’t cuss
• Don’t chew
• Don’t dance
• Don’t whore around
• Don’t do ANYTHING fun

BECAUSE an angry God (the cosmic killjoy) is up there with His bolt of lightning watching and waiting for you to mess up so that He can punish you or strike you dead then send you to Hell. Further, every problem that you (heathens) have is a direct result of your sinful lifestyle.

It gets worse.

We proclaim that we have the “answers” and yet we are no different than they are. Evangelical Christians have the same rate of divorce as the rest of the world. Almost every other problem area reflects the same harsh truth. Pornography, adultery, alcoholism, foul language, lust, suicide, you name it – are as common inside the church walls as they are on the outside.

They see right through us. Our hypocrisy has been exposed. It’s very ugly.

Now I realize that all this sounds crazy and over the edge. I imagine by now you may think that I am some sort of radical or maybe even not a Christian. I assure you that I, like every other Christian, am a sinner saved only by the loving grace of God through the shed blood of His son Jesus Christ. My only hint or appearance of righteousness is by the power of the Holy Spirit living in my heart.

Actually, it may not be as bad as it first appears. The fact is that as Christians we DO have ways to be “real” men, have a “real” ministry, and have “real” fun.

Men like gadgets – have you ever considered the workings of the sound system at church? Have you ever considered using the internet as a ministry tool? Have you seen the gear that gets mobilized and deployed by Christians during a disaster?

Men like loud things – during a disaster, the chain saws, the generators, the skill saws all make plenty of noise.

Men like fast things – join us at the races and work in a Christian hospitality booth.

Men like sex – The Bible is rich, not silent, on this subject. David was an adulterer. Read the Song of Songs (written by a very wise man). It’s downright, well, sensual. God has a perfect plan for sexual fulfillment that is healthy and fun.

Men like to be a hero – I can think of numerous examples, particularly in the Old Testament, of real men of courage.

Men like violence – How about the account of wholesale slaughter at Jericho? God ordered it. Could you carry out an order to kill every (unarmed) man, woman, child, dog, cat, horse, cow, chicken and every living thing in an entire city? Not with smart bombs or cruise missiles, with your bare hands and a sword.

Men like to be admired, even beyond their death – Again, look at those Old Testament heros. God could have used his sovereign power to accomplish His purpose, but instead he called out men to lead. In many cases, the men God choose were unlikely candidates for leadership. Yet their legacy lives on today. So, has God finished all His work? Nope, we need strong men to do things worthy of being admired. “Real” leaders, to this day, are admired. They do not take credit for their accomplishments. Instead, they praise God for the blessings they have, and credit those whom they lead with doing the work.

Men like to play, compete, and win – There is an abundance of opportunities to serve in sports ministries, but the workers are few. Where are God’s men?

Men like wide open spaces – oh please, come join us for some wholesome outdoor activities. Camping, white water rafting, hiking, fishing, you name it. These are not off limits to Christians.

Men like to sweat and physically exert themselves – Have you ever worked disaster relief ministry? Been on a construction mission project? I rest my case.

Men like fraternity – I can personally attest that I have made some of the best friends you could ever hope for among Christian men while serving on volunteer mission projects. We worked together, played together, prayed together, laughed and cried together. Not that I haven’t made friends through Sunday School or Worship service. I just kind of doubt that we are really being ourselves during that 2 hours a week. We dress differently, we make it seem that everything in our life is OK, we keep quiet and reverent. In other words, we “act” “religious”. If that’s how we are to get to “know” each other, then who is it that we’re trying to get to know? I need to know the real person, not the one on display. I need people to accept the “real” me, not the person I pretend to be. There’s just something special about men working together on a mission project. When you sweat together, eat together, sleep together, wash each others clothes, depend on each other, sustain setbacks and injury together, take breaks together, have devotion together, share each others razor, hear each other snore (and worse) you really get to know each other. When a Christian man strikes his thumb with a hammer, you discover that our actions are under more conscious control than our reactions. When a dozen men all share the same shower, sink, and toilet, reality is inevitable. You’re naked. There is no place to hide. What are you going to do, find a fig leaf? That Hart, Schafner, and Marx suit won’t do you any good here. You might can suck in that pot belly at church, but not out here. That tattoo you got while in the military isn’t covered by any sleeves. But isn’t all this the real test of a relationship? A friend is someone who knows all about you, and likes you anyway. It’s easy to get along for a couple of hours each week with people you don’t really know. But how strong of a team is that? As you sit in Sunday School or Worship service, pick out a face in the crowd and ask yourself. Would I entrust my safety in that person? What if that person washed my dirty socks and underwear? This may seem radical or repulsive to you. Why then did Jesus wash the feet of His disciples?

Men like to show off – Great! Please, show me your stuff. Let’s go on a mission trip. I’m sure that I will stand in awe of you. But I caution you. You need to know the rules. Your expensive sports car is worthless out here, there are no roads. Your job back home doesn’t count for much. We are pretty much all equals on the mission field. Your platinum card won’t do you any good. There are no stores. Your IRA, 401-K, CD’s and other monetary instruments will not be of any use either. Oh, and by the way, your mom won’t be around to pick up after you or console you. Your mom will love you no matter what. Out here, any respect you get must be earned. But there’s good news. You will find, that stripped of our worldly possessions, that we are all pretty much alike.

Before I make some suggestions, let me make something clear. A men’s ministry should have as its purpose - ministry. In other words, The Great Commission. Activities are but a part of an evangelical strategy. They are a means to an end. They are tools. They are bait. When the activities become an end in and of themselves, then it’s time for the church to get out. Let the men play on their own time, with their own resources, and for their own purpose. The goals of men’s group activities include:

• Meet the needs of men (have fun)
• Provide an opportunity to develop meaningful relationships – with each other and with God.
• Provide a means of bringing inactive and irregular church members back into fellowship
• Provide a means of attracting the unsaved and the unchurched
• Provide an opportunity for Bible Study and Discipleship Training
• Provide an opportunity for sharing testimony
• Provide partnership opportunities with men’s groups from other congregations

Suggestions

• Skeet Shoot – maybe on a Sunday afternoon. Maybe having a wild game cookout afterwards would be fun.
• Take the kids at church out to fly kites, go fishing, play baseball, you know, HAVE FUN. Let them know that we love life and can enjoy wholesome fun. It is not the job of the Youth Minister to entertain our next generation of leaders.
• White Water Rafting – there are lots of outfitters that provide a safe way to have an adventure. OK, you may miss “your church” that Sunday. Do you think there is a local church somewhere nearby? Maybe the Men’s Group at that church could use some inspiration. Maybe you can have “church” outdoors.
• Weekly Group Meetings – Not at a restaurant, not at somebody’s home. Find somewhere PRIVATE. I’ve never seen this fail. I just hardly ever see it. Get some video materials, show it, then have discussion. I prefer doing it in the morning before work, but it can also be done on Saturday. If we are to grow spiritually, we must invest in each others lives, minister to each other, and help hold each other accountable. The only “rule” is that what is said in the group, stays there. In order for us to be open and honest with each other, we must be able to trust each other. In the group meetings, focus on concrete strategies, actual examples, of how you can grow spiritually. Challenge and encourage each other. Report back each week to the group. Let the group know exactly what you did (or did not) do this week to be a better disciple, husband, father, and Christian brother. If you did not do anything to improve yourself all week, then earn the respect of the group. Be a real man and have the courage to admit that you came up short. Please don’t make excuses. Please quit pretending that you “have arrived” and have no problems. Please quit trying to fool the group into thinking that you are there because of your concern for everybody else. If you spent time at a pornographic website that week, be a real man and say so. Don’t say that it was an accident. Be a real man and admit that you cannot win this battle in your own strength.
• The “Honey Do” list – let’s face it, all married men have one. A long list of things that we don’t actually want to do, but our wives keep putting things on the list. As we do them, our attitude is seldom one of Christian love. Try this. Get a few men together as a team and do them together for each other! Imagine a team of a half dozen men coming to your house to kick that “honey do” list in the pants! You can enjoy the fellowship of working together. When you’re done, go to the next guy’s house and kill off his “honey do” list. When the team has completed everybody’s list – then do something fun together (with the blessings of your wife)! Instead of a frustrated, defeated, half hearted, lethargic, excuse for a man fumbling around in the yard, now there is a team of proud, God fearing men dedicated to “home improvement”. I don’t mean fixing the house, I mean honoring and loving your wife by serving her and meeting her needs (we are commanded to do this). This stupid little idea has enormous potential to revitalize marriages and make family life look less like The Simsons and more like The Waltons. This will, at first, throw utter confusion into the other camp. Do you think that this can be kept secret? Just imagine what the women will be talking about at their next hen party. Instead of gossiping, they will be sharing how these “church” men stepped up. The unchurched wives will, for once in their life, see something desirable about a Christian husband.
• Races – most men love races. Go together as a team and make it a time that the Lord can be pleased with. There are usually churches that have some sort of ministry at events like these. Get with a local church that is interested in reaching out and partner with them.
• Be a Brother in Christ – even if your church does not have a “Men’s Ministry” group, you are a “Man” and you do have a “Ministry”. Pray and ask the Lord to burden you with the names of a few men. Now, do something really brave. I DARE YOU to pick up the phone (each week) and call even one of the guys on your list. Let him know that you don’t need anything. Let him know that you just wanted to touch base with him. You are not calling him because he missed church last week. Invest in his life. When he say’s that everything is fine (he will), just ask “really?” Keep probing and try to listen. Since everything is “fine” ask him to share with you how great things are. Spend some time bragging on God. When he asks you how you are, don’t just say “fine”, “God is Good – All the Time”, “I am so blessed” – be honest, take a chance that maybe you can tell him that you looked up a woman’s dress the other day and enjoyed it at the moment, but now wish you could avoid doing that kind of thing (or worse).

I’ll stop there. I have tried to make practical suggestions. You do not need to be rich, young, strong, or a theological genius to do these things. What you do need is something only the Holy Spirit can give you - a heart burning with desire to:

1. Be a good and faithful servant to the Lord
2. Be a good husband
3. Be a good father
4. Be a good brother in Christ